This is fun – this sentence needs a comma, but depending where you put it will change the length of time! D had been appointed by the last king, some years ago after Redpool had last been liberated. D had been appointed by the last king some years ago, after Redpool had last been liberated. Of course the second one makes the most sense – they would need a new governor immediately after the city had been liberated. But it’s a fun exercise :D. look we have different ideas of fun, ok?

This sounded hyperbolic, so I checked your scale in your map and did some googling and learned the Med is way bigger than I suspected. It’s almost a thousand miles from Gibraltar to Sicily. Mind blown.

Technically strawberries don’t grow on vines, they have things called “forbs” – runners, or “daughter” plants. These mimic vine growth but aren’t the same, and I don’t think they’re able to grow vertically up a wall etc. They require containers to grow in.

Ebony is a very heavy wood – when I googled this, it actually stated that it’s dense enough to sink in water! There’s sapele and utile that apparently are used for boat building and are quite pricey, apparently they’re similar to mahogany and come from Africa.

When listing adjectives, size should come before physical quality. Yep. There’s a particularly order adjectives should go in: https://dictionary.cambridge.org/grammar/british-grammar/about-adjectives-and-adverbs/adjectives-order

I like that he’s critiquing their attack mid-fight lol!

This is FANTASTIC, there’s a lot that you’re subtly establishing here – you use the word “foisted” inferring it’s not his decision, the hint of wild excitement in the eyes of someone who is now missing implies there’s no excitement in what he’s doing now, that there’s a vitality now missing from him.

There’s something slightly sinister and dystopian about this, that there’s an office for the running of colonization and it’s manned by people who’ve just dropped their kiddies off at school.

Argh Mareth *Face palm* you love her but you’re still selfish! Let the woman sleep! [note to you – do not let her sleep this is brilliant character portrayal]

Love how desensitized she’s become to him, and just the image of her no-nonsense approach to this disembodied head is fantastic.

This seems an utterly stupid opinion sorry! It’s a DEMON DOG Neenahwi. It is INSIDE OUT. DO SOMETHING WOMAN. Fuck your cat’s pride!

ABSOLUTELY BLOODY LOVE THIS OBSERVATION

WHY IS THIS BLOKE SUCH AN ARSEHOLE

All the fancy parties have sparkling wine dahling

This is quite a striking image, this boy putting up posters that he doesn’t understand. Makes me think of people sharing things on facebook that they don’t understand or they assume to be true. Like Brexit – blindly believing in something even though you don’t fully understand it.

I love this description of how they’re celebrating – with the last two festival days you describe what happens; the flotilla, the march. But I had been wondering what the people do to celebrate, whether they decorate things etc. You describe crowds of people, but there wasn’t much sense of celebration or carnival, the way there is for example when we put Christmas lights up in our streets. This is a really nice touch that really helps with picturing the city during this time.

This is fantastic! The idea of the guard being perplexed is far funnier than that of Florian being naked!

Oh god this paragraph! Again there’s that child-like innocence to his questioning but that doesn’t take away from the validity of the questions at all. It’s heart breaking to picture a young child, having gone through everything they have, question their life and belief in this way.

It’s hilarious that you’ve made your archer short sighted btw

mutternonlexicalfillersgrumbleIsupposeitsokmutterhumph.

You’re driving me bonkers – why was knights capitalized but king, queen, prince and princess aren’t?! I’m going to find your keyboard and I’m going to disable the bloody caps lock

Whorls? Whorls is an awesome word that doesn’t seem to get used enough.

This is almost brilliant! the only issue is “leaned on his left leg” sounds a little inelegant. Something like “He even shifted his weight to his left leg” or “cocked his hip”? But the fact he has a certain pose he strikes to appear charming, and that its something someone else would pick up on, is excellent character portrayal.

Ha! Absolutely love this. They do come out with some strange things sometimes. I remember my grandmother (Welsh. Mining family. Anti-Tory) saying she quite liked that David Cameron because he had a baby face 0.0

I love this, it’s a really subtle but effective display of her character – my city-bred husband thought it positively bizarre when he took me home and I kept thanking strangers and trying to talk to them. I know Alana’s a city girl, so you’re not referencing a countryside/city divide like in my experience, but in making the effort to point this behavior out you are also separating it from the behavior of those now around her. She hasn’t quite let go of her old life just yet. She still sees herself as one of them.

Did you see the new York times quiz about accents a while ago? One of the questions was “what do you call the game where one person runs after another etc” – it has so many different area-specific names. I think it’s little things like this which can manipulate what a reader is bringing to the story and from there build up impressions of different kinds of society. “Tag” or “Catch” are quite generic, but something more specific like “tig” puts me in mind of something more authentic.

You’d be known as Dai, not David, and because there are SO MANY DAIs, you’d be something like Dai Books. Growing up, we had a Dai Cabin (because he was the chef in ‘The Ferry Cabin’) Dai Beachhouse (because he lived in a house by the beach), Dai Pop (“because he sells pop daddy?” “no” … er, k) …

It’s bizarre to see Welsh-sounding place names in a book! Did you put thought into their translations? Diwedd means end, and Ynys means island? This isn’t really an editorial note, just curious ^_^

Omg glass armour! The skills you needed to be able to steal a set of glass armour in skyrim….

Not an editorial point at all, just wanted to say in Welsh, we call this kind of rain bwrw mân. Usually “rain” is bwrw glaw, but that kind rain that just seems to suspend in the air and yet manages to drench you – that’s bwrw man.

This is SUCH a Welsh turn of phrase! It’s something that drives Ken loopy. I’m always describing things as being over by here or over by there!

This is a ridiculous comment and I really hope it doesn’t make you roll your eyes or anything but – what are they spreading the honey on? It could be worse. You could have to live with this brain.

I love this! We have a bridge near us called Spudders bridge. No-one questions it, but wtf is Spudders?! Well apparently, it comes from yspryd, the Welsh for ghost, because apparently it’s haunted (it’s a Norman bridge) I love how names for places evolve! OH! Another one for you. (sorry) My grandmother lives in a village called Carway. Carw is the welsh word for deer, and apparently the village is located where the lord of Kidwelly Castle used to hold his hunts ANYWAY

Can confirm – long thick hair piled onto the top of your head gives you a wonderful tension headache at the back of your skull.

It’s drives me bonkers when people say this to me! I’ve said “I’m sorry” to them express my sympathy in what they’re going through, and they reply with “It’s not your fault” – well obviously it isn’t!! I feel sorry for you! It isn’t an admission of guilt! ahem. I’m not saying you should necessarily take it out, it’s certainly a natural response people make!

I’m reminded bizarrely of the M4 when there’s a bank holiday…

Is there something the cat could do? Rather than meow? Like, he could put his paw down and meet her gaze? Then meowed purposefully at her? On the one hand, having been a cat owner, I’m well aware of how cats do talk to you. Cats don’t meow at other cats, it’s a noise they’ve (apparently) adopted for communication with their servants. They meow back when you talk to them and they have so many different meows. I swear my mum’s cat argues with her. meow. I’ve fed you. meow. I did! meow. WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?! ahem. Anyway. On the other hand, I love the idea that Tuft can be doing simple cat things, and Neenahwi reads into it. Different looks mean different things. He’s put his foot down because he’s finished cleaning it or he’s put his foot down because he’s ready to go?